summer is coming. promises of last-minute movie dates, thumb-wrestling matches and pseudo philosophical discussions orbit around my head like moons. my mouth waters as i daydream about these promises, like a child looking longingly at a dripping ice cream cone on a hot day. i want this in a way that we all want our fetishes, how we long for these liberating explosions of light as we crouch in the clandestine pits of our own stomachs. clawing at the walls, yearning, desiring, but always conflicted; always feeling shameful that we were made to fill all the wrong moulds.

i am angry. fleetingly so; the anger thuds in my skull like the strange headaches i’ve been getting lately - a few hard pulses in the upper left corner of my head, and then they’re gone. 5 minutes later it happens again. it’s the same thing with the anger. it comes and it goes. some moments i realize how silly it is to be angry at these things that i cannot control, and then other times i feel like i want to reach out and viciously bend things back into shape with my bare hands. it feels so good to talk about these things with people who understand me and let me talk; people who actually listen instead of raping me over and over again with self-righteous opinions. self-righteousness is something that should be taken and thrown into the pits of hell.. along with high horses, disloyalty and the murderers of Altantuya.

Event Update: there’s going to be a fundraising event happening on the 9th May (Friday. today!) at The Curve, called ‘Rock Up!’ that aims to use music to make a change in the lives of others, featuring performances by talented local artistes like Chelsia Ng, Liang, Furniture, Diplomats of Drum and many more. there’s also going to be a sketch by some prominent local comedians like Harith, Nell Ng and Na’a Murad, as well as a fashion auction. it’s going to be hugeee, and it sounds like a totally happening event! i wish i could go, but i’ll be at PD :( anyone who’s going, let me know how it went ok? especially the sketch! click here for the lineup and more details!.
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i got something really cool in my email the other day :) the writer of this letter asked if i could post his writing here on my blog, and i said i would. it’s pasted below.

there are a lot of mean people in my life, guys and girls alike. they pick fights with me for no reason, disagree with everything i say, tease me, jokingly sing praises about people i cant stand, call me evil names, scare me, say hurtful things, and seem to not care about my feelings at all. the person who wrote this letter is one of them.

when i first met him, we were colleagues for a few months. he didnt bother talking to me at all during the first few days of my job, and whenever i tried to make small talk he would just grunt at me in response. i remember thinking to myself, what a jerk!, especially when he said something like “your name is so hard to remember. can i just call you oi?”, to which i retorted, “for the millionth time, my name is Su Ann!”. then he just went out onto the balcony for a smoke.

but here we are now, months later, and he’s just emailed me something that he originally wrote for his own blog. but i hijacked it and now i get to put it up on MY blog! hehe. here it is.

Singapore, August 9th, 2007.

There was this place where most people came to purchase a little happiness. Some, with their banknotes. Some, with their redeemed tickets. Some, don’t bother to pay at all.

It was in this building with many floors when i first met her eyes, when i first shook her hand, when i first knew her name. Su Ann. I thought it was a beautiful name. She thought i was with a better company. Her boyfriend thought otherwise.

“Hi, im Firdauz, i used to work for the other blog advertising network,” I liked to mention this a lot, kinda a bad habit i had. “Hi, im Su Ann, you’ve done the right thing Firdauz, ahh.. no worries, you’re with a better company now,” She liked to give a warm quilt to a frozen fella like me. It was comforting and i liked it. “Now why would you say something like that, you didn’t know if it was for true!” Her boyfriend liked intellectual arguments backed up with solid facts and valid evidence, to destroy the fairy tales of 2 and 2 can make to 5. But of course they were adorable.

We didn’t talk that much that time, although i wanted to. Perhaps because in real life, i wasn’t much of a chatterbox. Lacking in humor, in love with ipod, loved the people but failed to prove. My life was a tragedy, a comedy to others. Su Ann’s life was all sunshine and she shared it with others, with all the people who needed some laughter to bend their mundane, linear yellow-lined lives. She did it with her writings, she did it with her hands, she did it with her heart, with her soul, with her eyes, with her sweet little smile. She did it to everyone. She did it to anyone.

I was a thief who stole one of God’s best creations. Secretly admiring her passion to make this world a better place. I had never given her roses, had never given her flowers or any plant. She had never failed to pick up my calls, had never failed to reply my texts. Even if they were sent at odd hours, 5am in the morning, she replied them right away, half-awake, full heartedly.

Of course i loved her, of course she loved me, it was mutual, but it wasn’t sexual neither it was romantic. I wasn’t her best friend, she had her own. She wasn’t my best friend, although i had none. Good friends were what we were. Sharing stories during lunches, gossips over the phone, fake tears mostly mine, genuine laughter mostly hers.

Su Ann’s sincerity wasn’t a lie, her honesty wasn’t fabricated when she made those 400 lips smiling and happily cheering in an event which she organized. My intention was questioned by many, i didn’t come to her party. I never came to any party she invited me to. I lived in my own world, she lived in a world which had more purposes than mine, shared, socialized, gallons of happy drinks and a number of sunny cupcakes.

“Ahhh.. the joy of being a jerk,” To deny and to pretend, was what i really good at. I called her “frog”, she never laughed. I called her a name she didn’t like, she never rebuked. She called me Firdy, i never said it was cute. “Ahhh.. the joy of being a jerk,” I told her that her favorite Bisou’s cupcakes were not delicious at all. I made a sour face, told her their chocolate cakes were better. She never listened, never agreed, never pitied that sour face i made.

That evening, in the city of lion, August 9th, i was one of those people who purchased myself that little happiness and didn’t bother to pay at all. It was in that building with many floors, i found a little thing called substance, which later made my 2+2=5.

Firdy is one of those special people in my life whom i’ve been lucky enough to cross paths with :) he may be very very mean, but he’s such a great guy and a good friend, and i am thankful for that day in Vivo City, Singapore, where we met and shook hands for the first time.

today i’m going to blog about the best - and also my favourite - place to shop in the whole wide world : the Chatuchak Market in Bangkok :)

no trip to Bangkok is complete without a visit to the huge and famous weekend market that houses a vast labyrinth of shops and stalls selling just about anything a shopper could ask for. some 20,000 shops are tucked away haphazardly in this market, separated into 26 different sections according to their 9 categories of wares - books & collectibles, plants & gardening, home utensils & decor, pets and animals, antiques, clothing and accessories, handicrafts, furniture and miscellaneous; somewhat systematic but still thrillingly chaotic.

not only does Chatuchak have the most mind-boggling variety of products for sale, but everything is also CHEAP like nothing you’ve ever seen before!!! so cheap that every weekend in Bangkok, resellers and business owners from all over the world descend onto Chatuchak to stock up wholesale on super-cheap clothes, furniture, accessories and jewelry to bring back to their shops to re-sell for triple the price. (read: Bangsar and Hartamas boutiques ;) the rest of us holidaying shoppers can also share the joy of finding bargains in every nook and corner of the market. dangly earrings for RM 1 per pair? little wooden stools for RM 3? sundresses and original artist-designed tshirts for RM 15? a whole box of beautiful glass jars for RM 8? only in Chatuchak :)

upon touchdown in Bangkok, eeyang came to ask me : “so where do you wanna go first?” and i instantly screamed “CHATUCHAK!!!!” please, as if he even needed to ask. sigh i seriously believe that my birthplace is actually Chatuchak. there is no other place on earth in which i feel more at home and ALIVE :D and so we spent the first 4 hours of our time in Bangkok trawling Chatuchak and scavenging for the best buys. we emerged happy! very very tired and sweaty but happy.

pictures! :

#1 little bags and clutches going for 59 baht (RM 5.9) and 100 baht (RM 10)

#2 this is a shop selling art materials; there is a whole area in Chatuchak just for handicraft stuff. i go CRAZY buying materials everytime i’m here! sieutheng, ginny and vvens, you guys would love it too. ink pens, marker pens, all kinds of paper, string, ribbon, buttons and all kinds of craft items for super cheap!

#3 bundles of tissue paper for so cheap. i remember how when we were doing that Valentines’ Day roses project back in Form 5, and i was so happy to find tissue for RM 30/bundle at SSF in Jalan TAR. here in Chatuchak it’s RM 10, without bargaining yet. sigh!

#4 adorable puppies for sale :) there was a REALLY cute pure-breed pomeranian that cost only RM 200!!! wtfish! in KL it would probably sell for RM 1,600.

#5 this is my attempt at taking a The Dog picture, hehe. it’s a quasi-milo dog!! :D

#6 handmade postcards that i bought for RM 2 each after bargaining. i was so attracted to them because the postcards featured a lot of teddy bears that i actually have! see that monkey, and that Tigger and Piglet? i have them too! the photos in the postcards were taken by the shopowner’s sister - she’d take all her soft toys along with her and drive around the rural areas of Thailand to do her photoshoots, then make cards out of her photos. so creative! i bought a whole bunch back to use as birthday cards :)

#7 earrings for RM 1 a pair. i bought a dozen :D hello!!! it’s RM 1!!!

#8 this shop color-coded all their earrings. the girl in the photo is Malaysian too, and she kept going, “aiyo die lah how could i have spent so much money buying all those earrings from The Curve when it’s so cheap here!!”. i totally know how she felt because i kept seeing at Chatuchak all these dresses that i bought from Bangsar.. but at one third the price i paid :(

#9 happy mugs!

#10 happy clips!

#11 lots of little shops like these that sell pretty clothes. even though they’re quite cheap, the problem is you cant try the clothes on. unless the shop happens to have a makeshift dressing-room; usually just a pinned up cloth. works, nevertheless! the blue dress i’m wearing in the McDonalds video is from Chatuchak - cost only RM 10! i bought the same dress in pink too.

#12 haha this is eeyang eating some chocolate donut thing. he’s wearing my heart necklace -___- he just came into my room, picked it up and threw it around his neck. i didnt even realize he was wearing it until i took this picture. even then, he didnt want to give it back -_____- haih sometimes i worry about him.

#13 REALLY PRETTY FLIP FLOPS FOR ONLY RM 5!!!! it’s not even the strawy/beachy type of flip flops that are so native to Thailand. sigh. i was so smitten i bought 3 pairs. that’s my finger pointing at a pink pair that i bought. i wanted the orange one at the upper left corner but no size :(

#14 eeyang thought i had to have this shirt because i am actually a cat ^___^ i should have bought the piggy one at the back because i am also a pig :| the shirts here are slightly more expensive (RM 20) cos they’re original designs.

#15 handwoven Moccasin-type shoes! so cuuute. but one rainy day and it’ll be all ruined :|

#16 me and the best drink that Thailand has to offer - the orange juice! they use these oranges that are very very much like mandarin oranges, and the drink is just so mind-numbingly good. SIGH. i miss!

#17 we bumped into Jack Sparrow hahahaha

#18 bags! but after trawling all of Chatuchak, i didnt find any that i really really liked :\

#19 this shop looks like it belongs in a mall, doesnt it? Chatuchak has loads of these. very quirkily-designed shops with quality products.

#20 so cool, right? a bag made out of an empty rice sack

#21 pouches and pencil cases for RM 9.90. i bought that colorful one underneath the sign, and also a red faux croc skin case for my make-up. contentment!

#22 gorgeous tribal-design earrings! RM 8 per pair, also original designs. no other shop in Chatuchak had these earrings.

there are soooooooo many more things quaint items in Chatuchak that i didn’t take pictures of, and also that i wish i bought :( eeyang and i went back to Chatuchak again the following day because we felt we just HAD to buy more stuff. haha. my biggest regret was not buying this beautiful oil painting from this artist who had a most unique and dreamlike style. but it cost RM 150, and i didnt have enough cash on me :\ by the time i got more cash, i couldnt find her shop again.

which brings me to …

PINKPAU’S TIPS FOR CHATUCHAK MARKET!

1. if you see something you like, buy it right away. don’t even think of walking around to compare prices and then coming back, because chances are you won’t be able to find the shop again. that’s how big and messy Chatuchak is

2. if you MUST move away from a shop but want to come back, ask them for a business card or the section and soi (street .. or in this case alley) of their shop. most merchants in the market will know how to direct you back to your intended shop just by looking at the section & soi.

3. dont stray too far from your friends!! it can be a REAL pain in the butt to locate each other again, even if you have phones. if you are in a big group and it’s just impossible to shop together, designate a place to meet-up again at a certain time. one good spot to do this is the Clock Tower. there are buggies in the open-air areas that will ferry you around for free, but you must ask them to take you to your intended spot.

4. wear comfortable shoes. i’d suggest something like flip flops, which are comfy but also easy to remove in case you want to try on or shop for shoes

5. dress lightly and appropriately for the hot sticky weather, and also for lots of shoulder-rubbing and body-grazing; the Chatuchak crowd is not to be underestimated :P

6. try not to use the bathrooms if you can help it. the bathrooms are few, overly crowded, dirty and faaaar away.

7. yes you can bargain at most shops!

8. have fun exploring Chatuchak!!! here, only the fittest will survive and emerge victorious :P

oh, chatuchak. oh, cheap shopping. oh, wonderful smorgasbord of hodgepodge and bric-a-brac. my heart longs for you so! hey if anyone wants certain kinds of things from Chatuchak, lemme know :) i may be going back there sometime in June or July, so can help you folks buy.

i’m going to write about my hotel in Bangkok in the next post. oh it is the CUTEST hotel you will ever lay eyes on, and i’m so excited to write about it!! :D

hehehehehhee! come, let me teach you how.

i got a free Big Mac yesterday at the McDonalds outlet in Damansara Uptown! and the day before that at Bangsar Telawi! and today i’m gonna head to whichever McD outlet i see first, for yet another free Big Mac :D omg i can’t stand it, the yummy freebieness of it all!!!

here’s what’s going on : McDonalds is having this promotion where if you can do the ‘Big Mac Chant’ in 4 seconds at their counter, you get a free Big Mac. simple as that.

here’s what’s even better : McDonalds teamed up with Nuffnang to organize a Big Mac Chant competition, where you stand to win RM 10,000 in cash if you take a video of yourself doing the Big Mac Chant as creatively as possible.

so… i did both :P i did the chant at the counter, took a video of myself doing it, and submitted it to the competition. here’s how i unabashedly made a lot of ruckus in McDonalds just for a free burger and a cheap shot at winning RM 10k cash :

(you can hear Martian’s sexy voice in the video. and dont laugh at me!!)

the chant goes :

‘Two all-beef patties
Special sauce, lettuce
Cheese, pickles, onions
On a sesame seed bun!’

to win the free Big Mac, you have to get a coupon that comes with every purchase of a McValue meal (i skipped this part with my wily ways hehe!). then you take this coupon to the newly-set up Big Mac counter at any McDonalds outlet, and do the chant while a staff times you. do it within 4 seconds, and you win a free Big Mac! if you don’t manage, then there’s always tomorrow :P

to take part in the competition, just take a witty and creative video of yourself doing the Big Mac Chant (no time limit; you can do the chant in 20 seconds or 1 minute or however long you want), upload it to YouTube then send the link to the email addy provided at the competition website. start gathering votes, and you’re on your way to winning that RM 10,000.

so, vote for me!!! pleeeeeeease. cos i really want that RM 10,000 :P and dont compete with me lah okay, i already teach you all how to get free burgers :(

here’s one of my favourite Big Mac Chant videos so far : clickety! i still have the giggles from watching it. and here’s another funny one :P so cute right! haih no matter how hard i try, i can’t beat these two videos.. let alone the scores and scores of videos that are going to be pouring in over the next four weeks.

ei actually, don’t vote for me! or at least, dont vote for this video. coz i’m going to brainstorm and come up with another video… the funniest and most creative video to beat them all. hmph. vickyvacko, leekwanlong and kimberlycun’s chin, watch out!!! pinkpau wants that cash prize too :P

urk i’m getting hungry watching all the videos. anyway if any of you guys are going to be taking part, buzz me with your link :) i’ll vote for you!

yum yum :)

today started off a little angry for me. then sad. then angry again. now, i am feeling a little bit sorry - in the guilty sense of the word. yet, there’s this throbbing kernel of blissful contentment somewhere in the pits of my stomach. ever jumped into something big and risky, expecting the worse, but then at the end of it all discovered that there was no need to be afraid or pessimistic in the first place? because everything turned out perfect and more beautiful than you could ever hope for? that’s what i’m going through right now. it’s a good feeling, even if preceded by a little bit of remorse at the recklessness of aforementioned pessimism.

i really wish i could say why i was angry this morning. at least it would get my message across to the relevant people involved. but i think the more i dwell upon them, the angrier i get, and the fact is dwelling on such things doesn’t really improve the situation any. well okay i want to talk briefly about just one thing, because that is the one i am thinking about most. i understand why sometimes it is important to remain neutral, but i cannot help but feel a sense of disappointment, and sometimes disrespect, for people who are privy to both sides of a story but still are unable or refuse to form an opinion. there’s always the same old “aiyah sensitive issue lah i dowan to say anything”, which to me sounds so cowardly and unintelligent. just because things are ’sensitive’, you don’t even want to THINK about the problem at hand? when all the bare facts are laid before you on the table, you can’t even bring yourself to recognize what is right and what is wrong?

i hope no one misinterprets or jumps to conclusions about what i’m saying, because i’m aware that what i said can apply to many situations, but i’m referring to some very specific events. haih. i’m just so sick of people who can’t seem to employ just a little bit of judgment and integrity when it comes to situations that require them to, because as a result of that, nothing is ever done about the injustices that are allowed to fester. and when talk comes to do, they all step back and let the more outspoken ones take the heat. and when the battle is won, they all come out to celebrate together-gether. it’s damn unfair. no this is not about elections. this is something personal. it’s about friends, it’s about right and wrong, it’s about a certain person with no principles whom i believe i’m never speaking to again.

haih.

on another note, i finally sent in my acceptance notification to the one college of my choice. so this fall, i will be attending Columbia University :) and i also already sent out the decline forms for all my other schools. it was so hard putting the check mark next to ‘No, I Will Not Be Attending…’ in those forms, particularly the ones for Penn and Chicago. when i think about all the effort and determination and prayers and hope i put into my applications for these schools only a few months ago, i can’t help but feel so extremely ungrateful for declining all their offers. yes i know it’s very silly to feel like this because i’m SUPPOSED to choose only one school and decline the rest, but hey. i dont know lah. remember how i wasnt even expecting to gain entrance into any of my schools. and now here i am just signing the decline cards as if they dont mean anything to me. i felt a little bit nauseous as i was signing the Penn card. during application season, Penn was the first application that i worked on because it was the school i wanted to get into most - and i slogged through it like a dog because i really needed it to be perfect. i remember exactly how i felt when i was writing my Why Penn essay. and now.. i’m not even going there. it feels strange.

i want to say thank you to everybody who helped me get this far. first of all, thank you to all of you who voted in my poll and left me comments on my Columbia / Penn decision :) and thank you to everyone who sent me long emails about their opinions. thank you Yau, i’m so glad you took that first step all those months back; i couldn’t have done it without you. thank you Matteus, Andrew, Chen Chow for all your ever-encouraging comments and opinions. thank you Lotus for constantly giving me that swift kick in the butt to get me going - you are the reason why i’m even attending an Ivy League institution in 4 months’ time. thank you Christine for that great interview; it must have been why i was accepted into Penn in the first place. thank you Nick and Amanda for all the insight into Columbia. thank you Emily, Timtam, Booha, Eeyang and Dad for being there during the last few minutes of my decision-making. lastly, thank you to all my friends and relatives who cared enough to share their thoughts with me about both colleges and for hounding me ever so often about my decision :) you have all been very kind to me.

i really regret that i cannot attend Penn. but the more i think about it, the more i feel i made the right choice when i sent in my Columbia confirmation. so here’s to plunging into New York City headfirst and not looking back!

oh and i went to watch Iron Man today :) i wasnt expecting it, but it was OMG SO GOOD. exciting, engaging and jaw-droppingly awesome from start till end. deep sigh! when i grow up i want to be like Iron Man!! *___* either that or marry someone like him!!

okay i have nothing else to say, and i really should be going back to bed. obviously my newly-recalibrated body clock is now cacat again. and for the people who are only here for the pictures, and i know there’s some of you out there!!!, i leave you now with one picture from Bangkok :

me trying to decide which shirt is more ME!, at Khao San Road - my 2nd favourite place in Bangkok after Chatuchak :)